I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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