Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
