Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
