I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
