is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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