I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
