so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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