I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
