Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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