Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
