wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
