The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
