if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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