Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
