Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
