tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
