I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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