Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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