How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
