why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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