I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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