I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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