I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
