i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
