It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
A+ Viking dick
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
