She announced her abortion via fbk
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
