I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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