yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Randomize
