this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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