Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
