I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
