I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
