Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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