took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
