The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
