Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
