I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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