I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
