The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
