Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
