I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
