I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
