my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
