I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
