I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize