I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
