It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
