Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
These tits shall not be calmed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
