I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
