Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
