a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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