i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
