I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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