i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
