You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
