party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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