Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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