haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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