I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
