Umm I'm too high to move.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
