'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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