Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Its about making memories worth repressing
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
