I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We smell like vodka and hangover
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
