i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
