i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize