it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
