capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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