Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
